Modern Family S01E05

21 Jan 2024

What part of Columbia are those French toaster sticks from?

Your team scored two goals all season.

I’m not taking a big risk.

Mmm, there is a first-inside out and backwards.

Well, there’s book smart and there’s street smart.

Daddy, we’re scoring a touchdown!

Please don’t spike our baby.

Why is she dressed like a Hamburglar?

She’s a referee.

I collect antique fountain pens.

I’m quite adept at Japanese flower arrangement - ikebana - and I was a starting offensive lineman at University of Illinois.

I thought part of being in a relationship was pretending to enjoy your parter’s interest.

Would you care for a sack of pickles?

Stay home with you little jagged scissors. Maybe catch up on your scrapbooking.

Don’t do the “double questiion to prove a point” thing.

We’ll be right down.

Luke got in a fight.

I’m golfing.

Kid’s a menace.

I slept it on funny.

These two knuckleheads were fighting each other.

Could’ve been worse.

Well, apparently there was a some name-calling and shoving on the playground.

I’m getting the sense that you’re all related.

Here’s your note for Miss Passwater.

What’s weird is that her kid wears aftershave and dresses like a count.

Just sweep it under the rug.

I think you two need to talk it out.

I just hate it when my two girs aren’t getting along.

With the bad ankle, I don’t know how he’s gonna run his corner routes.

That’s very elitist of you.

I’m taking a baby steps here, all right?

It’s the bands and the drama, the pageantry.

Don’t forget about the team mascots.

They wear ascots?

I’ll be in here.

I think we should address the elephant in the room.

Huddle up.

Now in light of what happened at school today, do you have any feelings you’d like to express?

I’ll be in the den.

There’s tension between you two.

Let’s go, Illini.

He’s one of the greatest linebackers to every play at Illinois.

Dad I thought you were being homophobic.

He’s been studying up.

That’s low.

Blitzing wouldn’t have helped them.

So, my interest in football ended as suddenly and dramatically as the climax of West Side Story.

Hey, there are the little roustabouts. You look like you patched things up pretty good, huh?

What’s a coal digger?

Well, she’s pissed.

Then you got a lumpy rug.

Creates a tripping hazard.

You open yourself up to lawsuits.

Boy, you can go a really long time without blinking.

I was golden.

She’ll be your most loyal friend you’ve ever had.

So we’re torn.

I don’t know, check me out?

But for the record, I think you’re smokin’ hot.

You’re dangerous, you’re getable, you have a little “cashola” in your pocket.

The whole kit and caboodle, I think.

I might have lowballed a little bit.

Touchy.

Obviously I’m trying to seduce him for his money.

I mean, you don’t expect to wake up one morning with a new mom who looks like she fell off a mud flap.

Oh, you mean go jump in a lake.

Cannonball!

I’m really trying to block it out.